Dysphoria Overload

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I'm burnt. University has taken the life out of me. I feel like I can't feel anymore… Except I realized that's not true.

I've been suffering from gender dysphoria since I figured out I was trans about 4–5 years ago. It mostly manifested as self-hatred and thoughts that I am late to everything, despite the fact that technically speaking I figured it out sooner than most people do. But I realized that's false. I've been suffering my whole life. And I only now just realized it. From lack of emotions towards anything, depersonalization, intense feelings that something is off, I just couldn't place it. Hell, I remember asking my mom to see a therapist when I was 6 when I was told that they "help people who feel emotionally troubled", before I even knew anything. They didn't find anything wrong, but I still thought something was…

My dysphoria has gotten a lot worse now. I feel like if I don't start HRT right this second I will die. But my country is extremely underdeveloped in terms of trans healthcare. I don't know what to do other than move to another country, but I still have to finish uni. It feels like a chore and I'm not really learning anything but I won't be able to find a job in my field without it (easily, anyway). Although being trans won't help in that department either, but I don't really get a choice about that, do I?